Fiend Club

Woke up in my car thinking about how I'd come this far, or better put-how I've stopped moving at all

Go up to the house to have a proper shower, get right clean and start the day by the hour

Only it wasn't so easy cause my mood was so sour, couldn't even smile staring at the morning dew on the flowers.

Now I've done it, been up for 3 hours, sitting in the same spot-you car-same thought-the front door isnt far-I'll be inside within the hour.

Only now my stomach's really pushing me, whether it wants to release or just just be fed; Who can actually tell the difference? But it's ok I've got the answers, I know that if I pack another bowl it'll all make the clearest of sense.

Finally, you pull open the car door, the smoke guids your way foreward, but its too much, the head rush, you cling to the door handle, you know its the only thing that supports your body & soul before you hit the floor, before you give in, just don't care no more.

But still, you collect yourself, lock the door,  head for the stairs only feeling the bodily strain more and more with each step. But you've made it to the top, you're on the ledge, clearly the worst of this hangover (withdrawal?) Is at its end.

So you walk through the door.           You-

Walk through the door, looking for reprieve, but you're met with those you call family, they've all got their trademark grins, letting you know they're judging you and all of your sins.

Ready to jab and attack, ask questions and laugh, "Where have you been, what's with your demeanor? God you look like trash!" - Please, thank you, maybe say it a little meaner...

So I walk past to the fridge & grab a nice cold one, easier to ignore the new comments and forget old ones.

You finally understand, its like dad's never said, but has always shown; Nothing cleans your insides and wipes your mind better than this liquid de stressor.

Only now im really coming off and the lights make me dizzy, no food in the belly, drinkings got myself in a tizzy. Should I rip the stizzy and get more twisty? Nah, no way, just change my shirt, walk back out the door, trying not hurl my insides or body down he stairs,  as I can't look up from the floor, I don't think I even fucking care..

I've made it to my car, not quite straight to drive but that's never stopped me from getting far.

the Ignition roars, my blood is hot, I can only hope someone knows who I am & where I'm going...because I do not.